Your child used to run to you with open arms. Now they refuse to see you, parrot their other parent’s criticisms, and seem to hate you without reason. If your ex is systematically turning your child against you, you may be experiencing parental alienation—and you may have legal options to protect your relationship with your child.
Quick Answer
While you typically can’t sue for “parental alienation” as a separate tort (civil wrong), you can seek family court remedies including custody modification, enforcement of visitation orders, contempt citations, and court-ordered therapy. Some states allow tort claims for intentional interference with parental relationship. Courts increasingly recognize alienation and can impose serious consequences on the alienating parent.
What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation occurs when one parent systematically damages the child’s relationship with the other parent through:
- Constant criticism of the other parent in front of the child
- Limiting or interfering with contact and communication
- Telling the child the other parent doesn’t love them
- Making the child feel guilty for enjoying time with the other parent
- Sharing inappropriate details about the divorce or adult conflicts
- Encouraging the child to spy or report back
- Undermining the other parent’s authority and rules
- False allegations of abuse
Signs in the Child
- Sudden, unexplained rejection of a previously loving parent
- Parroting the other parent’s language and criticisms
- Unable to give specific reasons for their rejection
- Black-and-white thinking (one parent all good, one all bad)
- No guilt about treating the rejected parent badly
- Claiming the views are entirely their own (not influenced)
Legal Options in Family Court
Motion to Modify Custody
Parental alienation may justify changing custody arrangements. You can petition the court for:
- Increased parenting time
- Change in primary custody
- Restrictions on the alienating parent’s time
- Supervised visitation for the alienating parent
Courts view parental alienation as harmful to children—a parent who engages in it may be seen as unfit.
Motion for Contempt
If your ex is violating the custody order by interfering with your time, file for contempt:
- Courts can impose fines
- Jail time is possible for repeated violations
- May lead to custody modification
Motion to Enforce
Ask the court to enforce the existing custody order and add specific provisions addressing alienating behaviors.
Appointment of Guardian ad Litem
Request the court appoint an independent representative for the child who can investigate and report on the alienation.
Court-Ordered Therapy
Courts can order:
- Reunification therapy for parent and child
- Family therapy
- Individual therapy for the alienating parent
- Parenting coordinator to help manage ongoing issues
Custody Evaluation
A mental health professional can evaluate the family situation and provide expert testimony about alienation.
Civil Tort Claims
Intentional Interference with Parental Relationship
Some states recognize a tort (civil claim) for intentional interference with the parent-child relationship. This allows you to sue for money damages. Requirements typically include:
- Intentional conduct
- That interfered with your parental relationship
- Causing actual damages
Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress
Extreme alienation tactics may support a claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress if the conduct was:
- Extreme and outrageous
- Intentional or reckless
- Caused severe emotional distress
Defamation
If your ex makes false statements about you (abuse allegations, criminal activity) to third parties, you may have a defamation claim.
Limitations of Tort Claims
- Not recognized in all states
- Difficult to prove damages
- May worsen family conflict
- Money damages don’t restore the relationship
- Family court remedies are often more effective
Building Your Case
Document Everything
- Keep a detailed log of incidents
- Save text messages, emails, and voicemails showing alienating behavior
- Document missed or refused visitation
- Note changes in your child’s behavior after time with the other parent
- Keep records of what your child says (date, context, exact words)
Maintain Your Relationship
Don’t give up on your child:
- Continue reaching out with love and patience
- Show up for scheduled time even if your child resists
- Don’t respond by criticizing your ex to your child
- Don’t engage in counter-alienation
Get Professional Support
Consider:
- A therapist experienced in alienation for yourself
- A family therapist (if the court orders or your ex agrees)
- A parenting coordinator
- A custody evaluator
Work with Experts
Mental health professionals who specialize in parental alienation can:
- Evaluate the situation
- Provide expert testimony
- Recommend interventions
- Conduct reunification therapy
What Courts Can Order
If alienation is proven, courts can:
- Change custody – Up to and including giving primary custody to the alienated parent
- Order therapy – Reunification programs, individual therapy
- Restrict contact – Limit the alienating parent’s time or require supervision
- Impose sanctions – Fines, attorney fees, contempt
- Appoint professionals – Parenting coordinators, therapists, guardians ad litem
- Modify communication – Prohibit discussing the case with the child, require communication apps
Challenges to Expect
Proving Alienation vs. Estrangement
Courts distinguish between:
- Alienation: The child’s rejection is caused by the other parent’s programming
- Estrangement: The child’s rejection is based on the rejected parent’s own behavior
You need to show the rejection is unjustified and caused by your ex’s conduct.
Your Ex Will Deny It
Alienating parents typically claim:
- The child’s feelings are genuine and justified
- They’re just supporting the child’s wishes
- You caused the problems yourself
- They’re not saying anything negative
Documentation and expert testimony are crucial.
The Child May Resist
Alienated children often:
- Tell the court they don’t want to see you
- Make accusations
- Seem convinced in their rejection
Courts understand this is part of alienation—older children’s preferences carry more weight, but courts can still act.
Frequently Asked Questions
Will the court believe me?
Courts increasingly recognize parental alienation. Strong documentation, expert testimony, and patterns of behavior (rather than isolated incidents) help prove your case.
What if my child says they don’t want to see me?
A child’s stated preference is one factor but not determinative, especially if alienation is suspected. Courts consider age, reasons given, and whether the preference seems coached or genuine.
Can alienation affect custody?
Yes—severely. Courts may view an alienating parent as unfit. In extreme cases, courts have transferred primary custody to the alienated parent.
How long does this take?
Custody modifications can take 6-18 months through the court system. Reunification is a long process requiring patience and professional help.
Is there hope for reunification?
Yes. With appropriate intervention (therapy, modified custody), many parent-child relationships can be restored. Early intervention improves outcomes.
When to Contact a Lawyer
Consult a family law attorney immediately if:
- Your child is suddenly refusing to see you
- Your ex is interfering with your parenting time
- You’re hearing your words repeated back negatively by your child
- False allegations are being made against you
- Your relationship with your child is deteriorating without explanation
Early intervention is critical. The longer alienation continues, the harder it is to repair the relationship.
Last updated: January 2025
This article provides general information about parental alienation in the United States. Laws vary by state. Consult with a qualified family law attorney for advice specific to your situation.
