If someone is abusing or threatening you, a restraining order (also called a protective order) can provide legal protection. These court orders can prohibit contact, require distance, and give you grounds for immediate police action if violated. Understanding how to get one—and what it can do—is essential for your safety.
Quick Answer
Yes, you can obtain a domestic violence restraining order if someone in a close relationship is abusing, harassing, or threatening you. There’s typically no filing fee, and you don’t need an attorney. Courts can often issue temporary (emergency) orders the same day you file, with a hearing scheduled soon after for a longer-term order.
Who Can Get a Domestic Violence Restraining Order?
Domestic violence orders generally apply when you have (or had) a close relationship with the abuser:
- Spouse or ex-spouse
- Current or former domestic partner
- Current or former dating partner
- Parent of your child
- Close family members (parent, sibling, child)
- People who live or lived together
For other relationships, you may seek a civil harassment or stalking order instead.
What Behavior Justifies a Restraining Order?
- Physical abuse (hitting, pushing, choking)
- Threats of violence
- Sexual assault
- Stalking or following
- Harassment
- Intimidation
- Destroying property
- Disturbing your peace
- Controlling or coercive behavior
What Can a Restraining Order Do?
Typical Provisions
- No contact: Prohibit all communication (calls, texts, emails, third-party contact)
- Stay-away: Required distance from you, your home, workplace, children’s schools
- Move out: Order the abuser to leave a shared residence
- Firearms: Require surrender of guns and prohibit purchase
- Child custody: Grant temporary custody to you
- Child visitation: Restrict or supervise the abuser’s time with children
- Property control: Give you exclusive use of certain property
- Pet protection: Include pets in the order
What Happens If It’s Violated?
Violating a restraining order is a criminal offense:
- Police must arrest if they believe a violation occurred
- Violators can face fines and jail time
- Each violation is a separate offense
- Call 911 immediately if the order is violated
Types of Restraining Orders
Emergency Protective Order (EPO)
- Issued by police responding to domestic violence call
- Immediate but very short-term (5-7 days typically)
- Provides protection until you can get to court
Temporary Restraining Order (TRO)
- You file a request with the court
- Judge may grant the same day without the abuser present
- Lasts until the hearing (usually 2-3 weeks)
Permanent Restraining Order
- Issued after a hearing where both parties can participate
- Typically lasts 1-5 years (varies by state)
- Can be renewed before it expires
How to Get a Restraining Order
Step 1: Go to the Courthouse
- Visit your local family court or domestic violence court
- Ask for domestic violence restraining order forms
- Many courts have self-help centers to assist
Step 2: Fill Out the Paperwork
- Describe the abuse in detail
- Include specific incidents with dates
- Explain why you fear future harm
- List what protections you’re requesting
Step 3: File with the Court
- Submit your paperwork to the clerk
- There’s typically no filing fee for domestic violence orders
- A judge will review your request
Step 4: Temporary Order Decision
- Often decided the same day
- If granted, effective immediately
- Hearing scheduled for permanent order
Step 5: Serve the Abuser
- The abuser must be officially notified
- Usually done by sheriff or process server
- Order not enforceable until served
Step 6: Attend the Hearing
- Both parties can present evidence
- Bring documentation, witnesses, photos
- Judge decides whether to grant permanent order
What If You Don’t Have Evidence?
You can still get a restraining order based on your testimony alone. Courts understand that domestic violence often happens privately. However, any evidence helps:
- Photos of injuries
- Threatening texts or messages
- Police reports
- Medical records
- Witness statements
- 911 call recordings
Special Considerations
If You Live Together
The court can order the abuser to move out of your shared home, even if they’re on the lease or deed.
If You Have Children Together
The restraining order can include temporary custody and visitation provisions. For permanent arrangements, you may need separate family court proceedings.
If You’re an Immigrant
You can get a restraining order regardless of immigration status. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) provides additional protections for immigrant victims.
Confidentiality
Many states have address confidentiality programs to keep your location private from the abuser.
What a Restraining Order Cannot Do
- Guarantee safety: Some abusers ignore orders
- Automatically arrest: Police must observe or have probable cause of violation
- Solve the underlying problem: It’s a legal tool, not therapy
- Divide property permanently: Requires divorce proceedings
- Establish permanent custody: Requires family court proceedings
Safety Planning
A restraining order is one part of a safety plan:
- Keep a copy of the order with you at all times
- Give copies to your workplace, children’s schools, and daycare
- Have a safe place to go if danger arises
- Tell trusted people about your situation
- Consider changing locks, phone numbers, routines
- Contact a domestic violence advocate for support
Frequently Asked Questions
Does it cost money to get a restraining order?
No. There’s typically no filing fee for domestic violence restraining orders. If you need the order served, that may be free or low-cost as well.
Do I need a lawyer?
No, but having one helps. Many domestic violence organizations provide free legal assistance. If you can’t find help, you can represent yourself—courts are designed to accommodate this.
What if my abuser gets a restraining order against me?
Unfortunately, some abusers file false orders to gain advantage. You have the right to contest it at the hearing. Document evidence that the allegations are false. Consider consulting an attorney.
Can I sue my abuser for the violence?
Yes. A restraining order is a protective measure, but you may also have civil claims for assault, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and other torts. Some victims pursue both simultaneously.
What if I want to drop the restraining order?
You can request to dismiss it, but consider carefully. Abusers often pressure victims to drop orders. If you’re being pressured, that’s a warning sign. Talk to a domestic violence advocate before deciding.
Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- Local domestic violence shelters
- Court self-help centers
- Legal aid organizations
If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. A restraining order is an important tool, but your immediate safety comes first.
